In a few weeks, it will be one year since I’ve become a stay-at-home mom and I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting.

This past year has been the most growth I’ve experienced and also the most challenge, mentally and emotionally.

For the first few months, I felt like this was my dream come true. And I couldn’t imagine wanting anything more than to spend all my time with my son without the added stress of work on the back of my mind. I love that I got the opportunity to be fully present and devote my entire time and energy to become the best mom I possibly could.

There were so many lessons I took away from this past year.

I learned a lot about parenting by subscribing to all parent-related topics from managing toddler tantrums, toddler nutrition, sleep schedules to traveling tips.

I learned a lot about myself from my triggers, my deepest fears to my biggest dreams.

Below are the 3 most important lessons I took away from my first year as a stay-at-home mom.

Takeaway #1 – The mental load for moms is real

When I was first laid off, I had the naive idea that I would have more time and energy to be more productive and accomplish more things as a full-time mom. Boy was I so wrong.

Even with Nathan being well sleep-trained (he sleeps 2-3 hour naps and on average 10 hours through the night), I found myself constantly mentally drained from watching him all day that by the time he was asleep, I either wanted to take a nap or just zone out, which meant I didn’t get much done on my to-do list.

A few months in, I started to feel guilt-ridden by the lack of progress towards my goals in other areas of my life.

Then, I came across an Instagram post from another SAHM who shared the mental load that moms carry. This includes the invisible work that moms perform such as washing the dishes, folding the laundry, filling out school applications, thinking of new age-appropriate activities, meal planning, scheduling doctor appointments and so much more.

When I write out all the things in my head on paper, it actually feels quite daunting.

While I haven’t learned to ease the mental load I still carry today, I am learning to give myself grace and no longer measure success by external rewards. Rather, my success is defined by how I show up for my son – How present am I? How much energy do I have for him? Do I feel connected to him?

Takeaway #2 – A community of mom friends is a must have

Being out of the corporate world for almost a year now, I’ve lost a lot of my network and connections that I once had through my job.

It felt like I lost access to a whole community. Being a new mom, and especially a stay-at-home mom, is the loneliest I’ve ever felt.

There were so many days where I would just see my son and my husband.

While I love spending time with them, I started to feel isolated and hungry for community.

Thankfully, I started to meet new mommy friends and caretakers at a local park nearby and begin to form a community through them.

Being part of Facebook local mom groups and reaching out to trusted friends who also were moms themselves made a huge difference for my mental health and created that feeling of community I so badly craved.

Every mom deserves support. It gets messy with nap schedules, mealtimes, etc. but finding a mommy group that you connect with is essential to your overall mental wellbeing.