If bedtime is a struggle for you, you’re not alone. According to Zenger, a poll revealed that 62% of parents with kids age 0-8 struggle to get their kids to settle at bedtime. This means over half of the parents you meet are likely struggling with putting their beds to sleep at night.
Why Bedtime Routines are Essential
An important tool for transitioning your child for bedtime is having a consistent bedtime routine. Consistency is key to signal to your child that it’s time for bed. Establishing a familiar bedtime routine and sticking to it will reduce those bedtime battles. Studies have shown that bedtime routines also have positive outcomes on overall early child development, including enhanced language development, academic achievement and social-emotional and behavioral functioning according to National Institutes of Health. There are so many great benefits to having a bedtime routine!
We now know why bedtime routines are so important, but why is it so difficult to stick to them?
I’ve been where you are. After a long day’s of work, the last thing you want is to deal with a toddler meltdown before bed.
When you have a child that’s screaming and fighting bedtime and your patience is wearing off, it’s easy to resort to desperate measures like bribing, yelling, threats, and conceding to every demand from your toddler.
My now 2-year old son has become increasingly vocal and demanding each day on how and when things are done. Since he turned two, it feels like any transition from changing diapers to washing hands to eating dinner has become a battle. I’ve turned to many books and parenting resources for help, experimented with different strategies to reduce those tantrums and finally found a formula that works well for all of us.
In all honesty, some nights can still be a challenge, especially when our son is having a rough day or is feeling sick. That’s why I had to get creative and gather tools to help ease those tough transitions.
If bedtime is a challenge for you, continue reading below for tips on how to create a bedtime routine your child will love.
How to Create a Bedtime Routine to Avoid the Battles
The first place to start is timing. When do you want your child’s bedtime to be? Once you have a bedtime in mind, make a mental note to start your bedtime routine one hour before. For instance, if bedtime is at 8pm, plan to start the routine at 7pm. If bedtime is at 9pm, start the routine at 8pm.
Why one hour? I have found that one hour gives our toddler enough time to adjust and transition in between each step of the bedtime routine and it also gets you through each step of the routine without feeling rushed. Depending on how many steps you have in your bedtime routine, you can shorten or lengthen as needed.
A few other things to consider when deciding on a bedtime:
- Is your child tired enough for bedtime?
- Did your child eat enough before bedtime?
- Did your child get enough physical activity and stimulation in the day?
All of these factors affect how tired your child will feel during bedtime. Sometimes, our toddler has a lot of energy to let out in the evening after dinner so we create obstacle courses at home using our Nugget couch or we play a game of scavenger hunt or hide-n-seek. Other times, our toddler didn’t eat enough during dinner so we will offer a little snack right before bedtime.
You know your child best! Get in the habit of scanning your child for these signs – energy level, hunger cues, and how much nap they received during the day, which will all affect how tired they are for bedtime.
To provide an example of what a bedtime routine could look like, below is our bedtime routine we’ve used on our 2-year old toddler since he was a newborn.
- Bath
- Lotion and pajamas
- Milk
- Read book or quiet activity
- Put on sleep sack
- Sound machine
- Sing a lullaby
- Kiss and say good night
Feel free to use this as inspiration and edit to fit your family’s needs. Some parents may not bathe their child everyday which means you may replace it with a quick towel wipe on non-bath days. Or you may want to switch things around in the order that works best for you and your child. Since our son turned one, we started brushing his teeth so we added this extra step to the bedtime routine and it took some trial and error until we figured out where best to place it in our routine. Your routine is not set in stone. Be flexible with it and know that it may change as your child develops or shows signs that they have outgrown certain things. For instance, our son Nathan is now consistently fighting us when we put on his sleep sack which tells us he might be ready to ditch the sleep sack soon.
It’s all an experimentation until you figure out what works!
Tools to Avoid Toddler Tantrums During the Bedtime Routine
Once you have your bedtime routine finalized, it’s time to put it to use.
Creating a bedtime routine is the easy part. Sticking to it is the challenge.
There are tools that may be effective in easing the transition into bedtime. Some or all may work for your child. It is recommended to try a few at a time and experiment with what works for your child, tweaking it as needed.
Tool #1: Use a timer. Before the first step of your bedtime routine, give your child a 5-minute warning that it’s time to put away the toys and start the first step of the bedtime routine (bath, drink milk, etc.). We use our phone timers and put on the duck alarm so that once the duck alarm rings, he knows what it means. For the majority of the time, this will reduce the whining and crying. Even though our son may not be thrilled to start his bath, he’s usually more cooperative and less likely to throw a tantrum.
Tool #2: Provide a breakdown of what’s happening next. It’s helpful to break down each step of the routine with your child so they know exactly what’s coming up next. For instance, once they are in the bath, you could say something like “we have 5 more minutes to play in the bath. After that, we’ll be getting you out to dry you and put on your jammies.” Again, just like with the start of your bedtime routine, giving your child that extra heads up makes a world of difference for them. They don’t like surprises and they sure don’t like to be pulled out what they are doing. Giving them just a 5-minute warning provides them with the space to mentally prepare for what’s coming next.
Tool #3: A bedtime routine chart. Personally, we have not used this but have heard success stories from other parents who have. It’s helpful to have pictures of each step of the bedtime routine so your child can look at what’s coming next and move it around once it’s completed. You can turn this into a game and have your child point out each step of the routine as you’re doing it. You can ask your child, “what’s next in our bedtime routine?” to get them engaged and feel part of the process.
Tool #4: Use a lovey or favorite toy. This is one of my favorite tools. We’ll allow our son to bring his favorite toy with him and go through the bedtime routine with his toy. We’ll read to his toy Mac (his favorite truck) and tuck the truck to bed (underneath his crib) and say good night just as we would to him. It works like a charm. It’s also sweet to see him kiss and say good night to his toys. He also has his special blankie and a couple stuffed animals that he always sleeps with. One big tip that I learned early on is limiting the number of toys in your child’s bedroom as much as possible. We limit our son’s bedroom to just books and a couple toys so that way he doesn’t turn his bedtime routine into playtime. If it’s a new toy that he wants to bring with him to bed, we will usually allow it as long as it’s not an electronic toy.
Tool #5: Tell stories. This is when your creativity comes to play. When our son protests going to his bedroom, I will create a story based on the events of our day. For instance, if we went to the Zoo that day, I may say “woah look at this amazing cave (his bedroom) I found, I wonder if we’ll find a bear.” That will usually pique enough interest for him to want to come to the bedroom. Or I may say “I wonder what Mac (his truck’s name) is up to and if he’ll like to read a book with me.” It’s more about capturing your child’s interest and attention by creating stories that will get them to use their imagination.
If you have an active child like I do, they may have a lot of energy to get out before bedtime. Instead of yelling at them to quiet down and stop jumping around, we will provide a few different quiet activities.
Here are some of our favorite wind down activities:
- Water coloring books
- Puzzles
- Looking at drawings or paintings that your child made during school
- Quiet toys like this magnetic puzzle game
- Sticker books
- Sing songs
When None of the Tools Work
If you’re still struggling with getting your child to settle for bedtime after using all of the tools above, reassess what’s working and not working.
Go back to the basics and take note of the following for a week:
- What’s their energy level like during bedtime? Do they seem tired enough?
- Did they get enough to eat before bed?
- Did they get enough active play through the day?
Remember that consistency is the key when it comes to establishing a bedtime routine. The more consistent you are with it, the easier it will get with time.
Remain firm and flexible. If your child continues to ask for one more book to read, tell them this is the last book and mean what you say. Gently remind them it’s the last book and that you are looking forward to seeing them in the morning after they get some rest.
I would love to hear in the comments below, what does your child’s bedtime routine look like? Have you used any of these tools? If so, how did it work for you?
