Taking a career break to pause and focus on motherhood is a precious time. This was something I didn’t know I wanted until I became a mother and realized how difficult it was to leave my son for work after my parental leave came to an end.
When I was laid off in December 2022, I knew it was my calling to shift my focus on being a mom. That’s all I had wanted at the time, to spend quality time with my son without the distractions and stress of a full-time job. As of today, I have been a dedicated full-time mom for one year and two months. It’s been a rollercoaster ride to say the least. Though being a SAHM is the hardest job I’ve done, it’s also the most fulfilling and rewarding. I’ll admit though. In the last couple months, I’ve started to notice a change in my energy level and desires. With our son starting preschool just a couple months ago, there’s been a lot of big transitions and shifts in our family dynamics.
The additional time to myself has forced me to reflect on what I truly want and rediscover who I am outside of being a mom.
As I ponder what my next career move will be, I’ve outlined a few of my personal reflections below in hopes that it might be helpful for moms going through a similar journey and questioning when it’s the right time to return to work.
1. You feel isolated and crave more social life. After the pandemic, many of us are now disconnected more than ever. With more folks working remotely or hybrid, it’s become even more challenging to get to know others on a personal human level. Becoming a parent can be isolating in of itself. With the limiting schedules of babies and toddlers, and the need for childcare every time you arrange a social night out, it is challenging to coordinate time with friends or colleagues in person. If you’re feeling isolated and craving social time, it might be a sign that you’re seeking to be around other adults. This does not necessarily need to be an office environment. It could be volunteering, attending a church organization or going to mommy meetups for playdates. Whatever your social need is, make sure you’re filling this bucket in whatever feels right for you.
2. You’ve lost a sense of who you are. Being a mother can be all consuming. When we take on the identity of mother, we may forget the parts of us before becoming a mom. I know this was the case for me. I got lost in motherhood, and there’s no shame to that! But if you’re finding that you’re no longer yourself or feel disconnected with a part of you that you miss, perhaps it’s a good time to reflect on what you’re missing. Is there a particular hobby that you enjoyed before motherhood that you no longer participate in? Is there a value that’s not being met? For me, my sense of adventure completely diminished when I became a mom. It’s like I no longer knew what “fun” looked like. Becoming a mom made me more rigid because of how stressed and anxious I constantly felt. So, revisiting my values helped clarify what exactly was missing in my life and allowed me to identify what I needed.
3. You’re hungry for growth. If you’re craving growth outside of being a mom, this may be a good time to explore new opportunities. This could look like taking an online class in a skill you’ve been curious about or exploring job opportunities or projects that align with your skills and interests. Whatever this looks like for you, it’s important to not ignore this need. I have found that the more we fill our own bucket and needs, the more present we can be for our children.
4. You no longer feel like the best version of yourself. My coach gave me one of the best parenting advice I’ve heard and it was “moms should choose whatever path allows them to be the best version of themselves with their family.” I knew it was time for me to return to work when I no longer was showing up as the best version of myself as a mom and wife. After a year, I noticed I was waiting and counting down the minutes until my son would go down for bed. In all honesty, I felt bored. There was only so much pretend play and toddler activities I could come up with until I lost my energy. It’s not that I didn’t enjoy being with my son, I just wasn’t filling my bucket with activities that energized me. So, I found myself depleted and mentally drain at each end of the day.
5. You struggle with depression and/or anxiety. If you’re struggling with depression and/or anxiety, it is strongly encouraged to seek counseling with a therapist. I’ve been seeing my therapist throughout pregnancy and postpartum, and she’s been the best investment in my mental health. Sometimes giving yourself a new sense of purpose, whether that be through a job or volunteer service, can make a big difference in our mental wellbeing. Discover what you’re passionate about and what causes you want to stand for. This will help narrow down your search.
6. You’ve found childcare that you trust and love. Finding childcare for our son was one of the biggest reasons that held me back from returning to work. Perhaps I’m more controlling than the average mom, but I had a hard time letting go and trusting someone else to take care of our son. Once he started preschool, I saw how much he enjoyed his teachers and looked forward to going to school. This was reassurance for me that it was the right school, and it made it so much easier for me to feel at peace with someone else watching him. It was liberating for me, which allowed me to begin focusing on myself guilt-free.
7. Your relationship with your partner has been neglected. As a SAHM, making time for date nights with my husband was the last thing on my priority list. I knew it was important, but it never felt urgent. But overtime, I started to notice how we lacked the intimacy and connection we once had before parenthood. A lot of it had to do with feeling mentally and emotionally exhausted by the end of the day, after chasing a toddler around all day. Over the weekends, I was so quick to pass on child duty over to my husband which meant we rarely spent time as a family because it was my only opportunity to have my “me time.”
8. You have a strong desire to contribute financially to your family. Being a SAHM is the most undervalued unpaid work. For someone like me, it was difficult to accept not earning an income. I’ve been working since I was 15 years old so I prided myself on my strong work ethic and ability to financially support myself. If you’re used to earning an income, it may be difficult to accept being on an extended career break. I know my time with my son is precious and can never be replaced. There’s also a sense of fulfillment that comes from being able to financially support your family. If you’re feeling financially constrained and want to contribute financially, perhaps finding part-time work or a full-time job (if you’re mentally ready) is a great option.
9. You’re ready for a change. Intuitively, you know yourself best so if you’re starting to feel an itch to explore something new, this may be your sign. Trust your guts. As a mom, leaning on our intuition is a superpower. I knew I was ready for a change when I kept having this nagging feeling inside my stomach telling me there’s more for me to do. It was like an unfinished mission. I felt ready to embrace the next chapter of my life and evolve into something greater.
If one or more of the above sound familiar to you, it may be a sign that you’re ready to return to work. If you’re not ready to commit to a full-time job, perhaps start with a part-time job or a passion project. Once my son started preschool, I signed up for a fitness training certification. This was a passion of mine for years before becoming a mom, but there was never a good time until recently. Pursuing this passion has given me a sense of purpose outside of being a mom and reenergizes me so that I can be the best version of myself when I’m with my family.
One Final Note
If you’re still feeling conflicted after reading this post, take comfort in knowing that no decision is permanent. If you’ve accept an opportunity and after a few months, you discover you desire to spend more time with family, it’s always an option to come back to focusing on your family. There are different seasons in our life, and our desires and needs will change depending on what season of life we’re in.
What season are you in? Are you ready to return to work?
