I recently completed a values exercise with my Coach and surprisingly found that my values haven’t changed all that much since becoming a mom. My values are still firmly rooted in family, growth, and adventure.
While my values haven’t changed much, my perspectives and priorities have shifted tremendously. I didn’t know how much I enjoyed being a mom until I became a mom. And I didn’t know how much I loved being a stay-at-home mom until my job laid me off almost a year ago and I was given the opportunity to spend the past year completely focused on being a full-time mom.
Before becoming a mom, my identity was wrapped around my career and how confident I felt about my body and self-image. I prided myself on being the most hardworking and reliable employee at my job and I considered myself to be physically active. Like most corporate professionals, I measured success by my job title and promotions. These goals were so tangible and easily measurable so it felt obtainable.
Then suddenly, once I became a mom, I took on this new identity which I had no idea what it meant at the time. All I knew was I now held the biggest responsibility of my life – raising another human being – the biggest job I’ll ever have. Gradually and quickly, my identity started to take shape and formed into something I no longer recognized. Calling myself a “mom” felt so foreign to me.
I remember so vividly when we took our son to his first doctor’s appointment. When completing his health form, under the line “Relationship to patient”, I wrote “mother” and I remember the strange feeling I had in that moment in time. I felt confused and yet so assured of myself. I found it odd to be calling myself someone else’s mother. What does it mean to be a mom? What does this new identity mean?
Over the next 24 months, I begin to discover parts of me that were so deeply rooted in my childhood. Becoming a parent is like reliving your childhood all over again. It tests your very limits and challenges you to reflect on your intentions. I begin to see similarities between my own parenting and my parents’ style. I started to see how my values showed up in the choices I made, the actions I took, and by my love language.
It’s as if the outer layers of my identity were being stripped away and all that was left was the core essence of my being – the values that I lived and breathed since my childhood.
Today, I still don’t recognize the woman I see in the mirror. I no longer work out like I used to. I no longer have a 9-5 job that I dedicate the majority of my time to. And some days, I feel like I’m a human machine programmed to wake up early in the morning and follow a meticulously thought-out routine for a rambunctious toddler.
While I may not do the same things I once did before being a mom, I have found a new sense of purpose and joy in this new identity. My identity is no longer defined by a job status or personal achievements.
My identity is now defined by how I show up for my family and my community.
It’s about compassion, gratitude, and loving-kindness. It’s about extending the same compassion towards myself on hard days because that’s the way I would want my child to treat himself. It’s about finding the joy in the mundane, slowing down, and letting go of all expectations.
In a strange way, becoming a mom has allowed me to discover more of who I am.
And also parts of me that I have never discovered that I have learned to appreciate.
If you’re on a similar journey, having the same questions or feeling similarly, I would love to hear – how has your identity changed since stepping into motherhood?
